Are you in love with the man in your life? Do you want to know the secrets to a lasting relationship with him?
Most of us have expressed the desire to have a lover of the lasting kind...someone to grow old with. Yet, almost 50% of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce. And 62% of second marriages do not survive. What contributes to these statistics and what can you do about it for your own personal life?
Living longer, higher standards of living, women's professional and economic independence, and the acceptance of divorce have all changed the meaning of marriage. Today, marriages are held together by the quality of the relationship between the two people.
Here are some thoughts on building bonds that last:
Choose well to begin with.
If you want someone to stay with you and love you forever, you need to choose carefully, using both your head and your heart. Chemistry and "cute" may attract you, but you have to combine that with achievement, values, and purpose and you have a greater chance for the relationship to endure.
Focus your attention on your beloved.
Paying close attention to someone is to fulfill our partner's needs. To be in the same room and talk, and not run away or distract yourself with TV or get busy with projects or other people is to show that you care. Furthermore, when we listen to what they are saying, and care about how they are feeling, we demonstrate that we are committed to them. When we thank them for what they do for us, they feel acknowledged and appreciated. These acts of attention build lasting bonds.
Be your own person.
When we count on other people or circumstances to make us happy, we are in for disappointments. The main ingredient for a lasting romance is to be a happy, whole person to begin with. Being a whole person means to have your own career, finances, emotional life and support systems in place. You are not looking for someone to save you from your unfulfilled present life or heal you from your wounded past. If you feel "broken," you take grownup steps to put yourself back together with professional help. THEN you look for someone to share your life with.
Spend a lot of time together.
There is no substitute for spending time together to be involved in activities, work toward a common goal, problem solve, and see something through from beginning to end. If you are getting to know someone, working side-by-side on a mutual project reveals a lot about who the other person is. If you are in a committed relationship, supporting each other in a joint adventure builds shared history and success.
Show kindness, caring, and affection.
If you take someone for granted, they may disappear out of your life. Kind words, gestures of affection, honest compliments, listening well, and not holding grudges all add up to the feeling that a chosen partner wants to be around you. Investing daily in these signs of love makes both of you feel stable, grounded, and happy to come home.
And finally, the best way to keep him interested is to remember to give this quality of love to yourself also. It's hard to find someone to love us if we don't love ourselves. You deserve his love...and yours.
Visit http://www.tonjaweimer.com or http://www.singlesdatingtips.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single's coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)
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